I'm Not a Child, I'm 13, Almost 14!
by Captain Harlequin
Summary: What happens when an ordinary girl, who has no idea what digimon are, gets accused of being the Ninth Child? Will her big mouth and loathing of being called "Child" get in the way? Rated T for language. Set in 1st Series. Read inside for full Summary.
1. 5th November

**I'm Not a Child – I'm 13 ¾ !**

**_~Firstly, I don't own Digimon. Secondly, I wanted to base it in Manchester because I actually know where things are so it's a bit more realistic. Thirdly, it's kind of wrote in the same style as "Angus Thongs + Full Frontal Snogging" by Louise Rennison, but it features none of the characters from it. I suppose it's like the Myotismon episodes in modern day Manchester. OH and lastly, when I went to Tokyo, I saw the actual TV station where these episodes were set. I'unno, felt like adding that. Enjoy and whatnot~_**

**I got this idea when I was reading "It's OK. I'm wearing really big knickers". It's weird but I like stories set out like that. They're more personal and enjoyable to read. I haven't watched Digimon in quite a while, I was toying with this idea when I was on the plane coming back from Tokyo. I got inspired to write a Digimon fanfic when I saw the TV station in reality. But decided to set it in Modern day Manchester. Seriously. Do not ask.**

**This story is based off a teenager who has no idea what Digimon are, and she is apparently the Ninth Digidestined. She does not like to be refered to as a child, as she is almost 14. Each day is a chapter. Some will be short, Some will be long. I don't know lmfao. ;_;  
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Monday 5th November

_Home._

2:50pm – Bloody hell, A ghost thing has just floated into my bedroom and another ghost dragged my Mum away to somewhere where I have no clue. Oh god, it's trying to grab me. BUGGER OFF!

2:51pm – Chairs are useless, I'm being kidnapped by ghosts. I hope they don't have x-ray vision. That would be slightly perverted.

2:52pm – Going to run for it-

_Arndale Shopping Centre, Manchester._

3:40pm – So they hit me over the head with something and I wake up with a load of children around me. The one in front of me looks too young to be involved with this. Far too be dragged away by gormless specters.

3:41pm – And what's worse, they're dragging them off to some demented vampire wannabe, is he an undead pedophile or something? Maybe he's a friend of Michael Jackson – rape beyond the grave.

3:42pm – All I can hear is "Are they the ninth child?" god, I swear to god, he is a mass-pedophiling pedophile.

3:43pm – OH MY GOD, they're dragging me now, what If I'm the 'ninth child'? WHAT WILL THEY DO TO ME?

3:44pm – This was actually quite funny. Pedo vampire asked this cat that can talk (?) if I'm the ninth child. The cat said "No master, that is not the ninth digidestined". I got into a bit of…err… shit.

"Damn right I'm not a digidestined, that's the weirdest sounding thing ever, is it related to a IT teacher or something? My IT teacher is…" I retorted, not moving along like I should have done.

"Are you sure that's not the child Gatomon? You know what happens if you lie." Pedo vamp asked the cat again, interrupting my description of my IT teacher.

"Even if I was the child, I wouldn't be anymore. I'm thirteen – almost fourteen. So I'm not a child, I'm a teenager" I answered the cat's question, which appeared to be a mistake.

"So you are saying you are the child?" He replied, raising an eyebrow and lowering his voice quite ominously. Crikey, he has the bluest eyes I've ever seen, I can tell you that.

"Well technically I was, but now I'm not as I'm a teena…"

"Guards, seize her."

3:50pm – Blimey, I'm being chased by a bunch of ghosts and a pedophile vampire with a red, glowing kinky whip. F my life.

3:51pm – Christ on a broom, I don't think they'll find me in new look. Definitely not the women's section, anyway. Unless one of them is a drag-queen or something… I'm hiding behind a counter, and there's a little hole which I'm using for spying. It's sort of hidden by a load of clothes but I can see fine… nothing so far. Oh wait what the hell is that. Since when could those ghosts fly through walls? What if they can look through solid things oh god oh god oh god.

3:52pm – Turns out they can. Running for my life once again DAMN ELEVATORS WHY DON'T YOU WORK ANYMORE. So now I'm stuck in a lift. I'll be cornered. Oh, surprise, surprise. Pedo vampire and his undead posse have opened the lift door. Why does the door work and not the actual lift? Oh Jesus there's his Kinky Whip.

3:55pm – Bad idea.

I looked Mr. Pedo vampire into the eye and said "I'm not afraid of you, or your kinky whip, or the fact you have purple lips." Guess what he went and bloody did. He grabbed me around the arm with his whip and it bloody well melted my clothes and cut me rather badly around my arm. I then did the only thing that was probably sane at the time – Kicked him where it hurts the most. To be quite honest, I'm surprised it worked, but he did that crouching things that a load of males do whenever they get kicked there. So I ran for it again, but tripped over. I don't exactly know how I did but now, I can quite frankly say, I'm buggered.

_Dark prison room._

8:55pm – Just came around, and I'm chained up to a wall. I just realized that I was wearing complete and utter slops. Baggy white Happy Mondays t-shirt and a pair of cut-off shorts. At least I was wearing converse so they wouldn't slip off. Well, here starts my life of living on a wall. Pip pip, toodle doo. Oh god. My phones vibrating in my pocket.

8:56pm – Can't… reach… phone…

8:57pm – This vibrating is really, really, pissing me off now.

8:58pm – Why won't my phone go off charge?

8:59pm – I had my back up quite high and my mouth trying to get inside my pocket when a midget walked in. It was dressed up as a wizard and had really, really, big eyes. Quite scary really. Decided to ask him to get my phone.

"Oi, you, small person, can you get my phone for me?" I asked him… or her… or whatever it is…

"I'm not a person, but of course I will"

Christ, he's too polite. What does he mean by not being a person? He looks like one.

"It's just in my pocket there, you'll feel it vibrating…"

Merde. That just sounded. So. Effing. Bad. I don't want a midget feeling around my legs, thanks.

"…No actually, I can live with it."

"Are you sure? You look a bit uncomfortable"

"You try hanging up by chains on a wall, then"

"Sorry. So are you the Ninth Digidestined?"

"No I am most certainly not, My IT teacher looks like Jesus and I don't fancy being the bearded woman"

The midget laughed at me.

"Digidestined aren't teachers of sorts, they are children destined to save the digital world and have the power to make other digimon digivolve"

"…What in the world are Digimon?"

9:05pm – So it turns out that Pedo vampire and his ghost posse are 'digimon'. It stands for Digital Monsters. Pedo vampire's called "Myotismon", and the ghosts are called "Bakemon". That cat called "Gatomon" didn't have a weird name, apparently, and this midget standing in front of me is "Wizardmon". Myotismon wants to take control of his world, and the human world. Why didn't he go to Washington then? He's going to do bugger all in Manchester. He'll probably get trampled over by Manchester City fans. Bakemon are his servants or slaves, I'm not quite sure, and Gatomon and Wizardmon are his followers that are helping him find the ninth child, which I'm not quite sure what they're doing now because apparently I'm that child, even though I'm a teenager. Quite frankly it's offensive. How the hell would I know how to stop a pedo vampire from ruling the world? Seriously. I'm really tired, too, how the hell am I going to fall asleep attached to a wall?

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**So there it is. And yes, her name hasnt been revealed are actually really fun to write and are getting me out of my writers block. :U**

**The 6th of November will be tommorow... or today... somehow. e_e  
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	2. 6th November

**WOW so it's been 2 years and I finally got around to updating it since apparently it was pretty popular? wooo go me  
**

**it's weird to think i started writing this when I was 13 and now i'm 16 lmfao - i've also drawn a front cover for it because i'm that cool.  
**

**But anyway, I can't actually guarantee this is going to be any good... I haven't watched digimon in around two years now, and when I tried to I ran out of episodes. **

**TL;DR – Everyone will probably be OOC and I have no idea where this is going to go anymore. Let's hope I don't make an utter tit out of myself.**

**disclaimer: i do not own digimon  
**

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Tuesday 6th November

_God knows where I am._

2:30am – Was rudely woken up by shouts of "THE HUMANS ARE ATTACKING". The humans are attacking? Seriously? People are actually doing something? WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE.

2:31am – Myotismon stormed into my cell. Was highly surprised that he was not baring his kinky whip.

2:32am – ...Spoke too soon.

2:33am – "Those filthy humans are attacking us with colourful flashes – stop them now or I will not hesitate to destroy you." God, he really knows how to treat his prisoners. "I can't exactly help you while I'm chained up to a wall, you know"

2:34am – Whip count: 1.

2:35am – Eventually removed from the wall. Refused to be removed by Mr. Pedomon and got removed by one of the gormless ghosts instead. But colourful flashes? Could people actually do that or did Mancunians suddenly learn how to do magic tricks?

2:36am – ... Probably not the magic tricks.

2:37am – Getting lead out by the gormless ghosts. Still have no idea where I am – I mean, I must be in Manchester, but since when did Manchester have tunnels and old fashioned prisons like this? Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

2:39am – Got shoved into some elevator thing and was sent up it by myself. I wonder if I could press any buttons to escape?

2:40am - ...And there are no buttons. The fuck.

2:41am – Lift finally stopped in some sort of observatory. And sure enough, there were colourful flashes.

2:42am – standing in amusement at what the hell these flas- OH IT'S BONFIRE NIGHT, RIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

2:43am – Not going to tell Mr. Pedomon that the humans aren't attacking. It's rather funny to see him screaming around at everybody-

2:44am – Whip count: 2.

2:47am – Got led out onto the roof with him. Fuck me he's wearing a tight corset or something, his waste is thinner than my head.

3:00am – It all kicked off. I cannot stop laughing at all.

Mr Pedoman started floating in the sky and got hit in the face by a rocket. I literally cannot fathom how much this is amusing me. Maybe I can run away-

3:01am – Whip count: 5 and counting. Currently in the process of legging it.

3:02am – I MEAN these are tunnels... He could easily get lost in them. Maybe if I just jump into the lift-

Forgot lift had no buttons. Am once again cornered in a lift. Merde.

3:03am – WHY ARE THERE LIFTS IN TUNNELS OH GOD.

3:07am – Am once again stuck in my cell, chained up. At least this time my phone is broke – Mr. Pedomon managed to break it with his whip so that's all attempts of escape removed. Bugger.

3:08am – Wizardmon has appeared again, this time with a cloth. Why has he got a cloth oh god oh god oh god

3:09am – Turns out I have several gashes across my body from the kinky whip. My outfit is in tatters and by the looks of it so is a lot of my skin. Merde. I'm chained up to a wall in very revealing clothes with a midget standing opposite me staring at me.

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**sorry for it being a _little_ bit late... lmfao**


	3. 6th November (continued)

**OMG OMG IM ON A ROLL**

**FLAILS AROUND IN EXCITEMENT**

**also, i've just realised that this is actually _really_ offensive... i didn't really have any care for rules when i was 13 and now im terrified of upsetting somebody ;n; sorry if it does!**

**disclaimer: i don't own digimon**

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Tunnel Wall:

5:00am - Still haven't gotten any freaking sleep. The least Mr. Pedomon could have done was at least tie me down to a flat surface or something. Turns out Wizmidget came in to "clean" my wounds. Christ on a bike this place is a madhouse and then you have a friendly midget.

5:01am - Life could be worse. I had overdue maths homework.

5:02am - I take that back, my feet are itching.

5:03am – Freaking wall.

5:04am – Freaking feet.

5:05am – Freaking digimon.

5:06am – OH MY GOD MY TOP JUST LITERALLY FELL APART WHAT DO I DO IN THIS SITUATION

5:07am – OH MY GOD THERES A TALKING BAT WITH A WRESTLING MASK ON AND IT'S TALKING TO ME

5:08am – OH MY GOD MR. PEDOMON JUST APPEARED TOO

5:09am – Was hanging there with a pissed off facial expression as Mr. Pedomon decided to "interrogate" me. Didn't go too well.

"CHILD! Where are the other digidestined?"

"I'm NOT a child! Buy me some new clothes and _then_ we'll talk."

Whip count: 7.

"You _will_ tell me where they are or I will not hesitate to destroy you – is that clear?"

"If I don't tell you where they are and you do 'destroy' me – then how will you find out where they are?"

Whip count: 8.

"If you are the ninth child – then why don't you have a digivice?"

"A what now? And I'm NOT a child!"

Whip count: 10.

5:10am – Shirt is no longer a shirt. It's more like a fancy belt now, and sleeves are like fancy bracelets. Thank god I'm wearing a vest OH WAIT I'M NOT OH GOD

5:11am – Wizmidget came back in with what seemed to be a poncho. Pfft. I may be half naked and stuck up on a wall but I am _not _wearing a poncho.

5:12am – Talking bat was staring at me on the wall. I take that back. Poncho is lovely. Lovely lovely poncho. Lovely warm comfy poncho.

5:15am – Somebody kill me.

9:15am – Finally got some sleep and then got woken up by talking bat getting dangled over fire by Mr. Pedomon. Christ on a broom, I can't get any peace around here. Gormless spectre drifted in shortly after and took me off the wall again.

"Excuse me, uh, Mr Bakamon, but what the bloody hell are you doing?"

"_Bakemon_"

"Right-o, Bakamon."

Ghostly-smack count: 1

9:18am – Bakamon led me to another cell which had a "meal" in it, if that's what you want to call it. There was literally a few slices of chicken – they looked cold too.

"Listen, uh, could you get me some salt? I don't really like chicken."

"EAT THE FOOD! EAT THE FOOD!"

_Mother of god._

9:19am – I ate the food. I broke all of the records.

9:20am – Bakamon then led me into what looked like toilets. How courteous of him, I needed a quick wizzle as it was.

9:21am – Bakamon is still looking at me and I'm trying to pee. I do not approve of this situation.

9:22am – Bakamon still there.

9:24am – This is going nowhere.

9:25am – Told him to bugger off.

Ghostly-smack count: 2

9:30am – After that awkward situation, I noticed a mirror in one of the other rooms and caught a quick glimpse of myself. Hair was messy as hell, roots still needed doing, wrists were bruised from shackles, skin was covered in burns from kinky whip. Poncho looks terrible. Hot damn.

9:35am – Back on cell wall. God damn it.

9:36am – Could sleep again as have literally had no sleep.

9:37am – Zzzzzzzz.

7:00pm – Woah wait, where am I?

CCTV Room

7:05pm – In some strange room with Wizmidget and he's trying to give me a blue beeping device. It looks like a tamagotchi? I'm not a child, I do not need tamagotchis in my life.

7:06pm – Wizmidget looks very upset.

"Are you sure you don't recognise it?"

"Of course I do! It's a tamagotchi. I had one when I was a child."

7:10pm – Dropped myself in it again. Merde. Wizmidget is now convinced that this tamagotchi is mine and I am in fact a digidestined. Whatever these Digimon are, they have no sense of logic. Everybody had a tamagotchi!

7:15pm – Now have tamagotchi in pocket. What is the point?

7:16pm – Oh my god it's beeping. And I can't feed it. Bloody hell.

7:17pm – No really, there isn't a menu or anything. Damn it.

7:20pm – OH GOD IT'S GONE STATIC HAVE I KILLED IT?

7:21pm – Wizmidget is sitting there looking all expectant, whereas I am sat here on the verge of tears. How do I tell him that I killed his tamagotchi?

7:22pm – Told him. He looked like he was going to cry and snatched it back off me.

"You aren't the ninth child, are you?"

"Oh god, not this again! I'm _not_ a child!"

"But you _were_ the ninth child, weren't you?"

"I _was_ a child. I'm a _teenager_ now."

"Then what are you?"

…Logic.

7:25pm – Still arguing with Wiz_ardmon_.

"So if you're not a digidestined, why did Myotismon capture you?"

"Because I _was_ a child!"

"So you _were _the child?"

Jesus Christ.

7:27pm - Finally got it in his head that I was not a child.

"So if you're not the digidestined, who are you?"

"Well, my name's Molly if that helps."

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**I SERIOUSLY AM ON A ROLL OMG**

**Jk. I'm not 100% sure that I'll manage to update this frequently – I start school again tomorrow **_**and**_** I have 18 gcses/major exams in the next 10 weeks so I probably won't have enough time to update as much as I'd like to. ;n; I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE IT ANOTHER 2 YEARS THOUGH, JUST SAYING.  
**

**I'll try and update it in the weekends because I don't really do **_**anything**_** in the weekend. Woooo. **

**BUT YEAH **

**Finally got to the end of chapter 3 and we all know her name now! Took me long enough lmfao**

**Unfortunately, I don't think this fic is going to last all that long – maybe 10 chapters tops. There's not much to write about in a non-canon location with a non-canon character – also, Myotismon's stay in the human world only lasts a few days so yeah I don't know 8(**


End file.
